I have had the weekend from hell and it’s still not over yet. We’re short staffed in my department at work and everyone has too much of their own work to help anyone else and it has just not been fun. I’m glad I only have to make it through today and then I get a couple days off. Of course, those days will be spent cleaning because hubby doesn’t think to wash a dish here and there if we run out of spoons or to take the garbage out when it gets full or even when its overflowing. So yeah…
I haven’t killed any co-workers since my last post, but it was tempting after one of them up and walked out sunday afternoon leaving me and another girl pretty much up the creek without a paddle. But then I had three days off and today was pretty mellow. Tomorrow is probably going to be a whole ‘nother story but whatever. We saw Ironman yesterday and it was really good. Better than I thought it might be, but Robert Downey Jr. was cast perfectly as Tony Stark. I think I’m going next week to make an appt. to get my next tattoo (a pansy for my Mamo) and I can’t wait. I love love love getting new tattoos. OK tattoos are just awesome period. LOL I’d get a tramp stamp just for shits and giggles, but hubbs would fuss. He’s not real keen on me getting a ton of ink and I really do want anything I put on my body to stay there for good to mean something. *shrug* But I’m done rambling now. Have a good night world!
I just might kill one of my co-workers tomorrow. She was freaking out so bad today that she gave both myself and the other decorator working with her headaches. As if my day didn’t start out badly enough since I washed hubby’s cell phone. He was able to go right up and get a new one and free stuff when he found out that it would require him to do some tweaking and editing to play mp3 files as ringtones on it…so he went up and nicely complained and got free stuff. Which is cool for him. But I still think he was mad at me this AM and he was upset when he got to work and I thought he was ignoring me cause he was mad at me again. That was a misunderstanding, he says he never heard me. But he turned and looked right at me so who the hell knows. I just know I’m gonna be snuggled in the bed when he comes home and I might even be sleeping. Good night!
Which is to say that I have royally fucked things up, as usual. I put a load of laundry in last night and unknowingly washed hubby’s wallet and cell phone. The wallet will dry out, shouldn’t be too big a deal, even though it sucsks getting all your stuff wet like that. His cell on the other hand…he wasn’t happy. He says he’s not mad at me, but the look on his face when he told me what I had done said otherwise, very clearly. So he’s headed off to the cell phone place to see about getting another one and has told me that he won’t be able to run an errand for me now. My errand would take him about half an hour, but he’s probably going to be too pissed off at me to want to do it. He doesn’t understand why I get so upset and started crying over it, but everytime he said something to me he had this “tone” behind his voice that said that he was angry and upset and regardless, I know that it is directed at me. I wish I could get angry back at him and yell and tell him then he can do his own damn laundry, but that won’t accomplish anything at all, except a big fight and he’s already mad at me and I’m not going to push it. As soon as my work clothes are dry I think I’m leaving for work, even if I just sit in my car in the parking lot for a while. I’m so stupid. I saw the pens and took those from his pockets, but it never occured to me that his wallet and cell phone would still be in his pants pockets. It’s not like I deliberately knew they were there and went, “oh well, wash them too.” But I feel like that’s what he thinks even if I rationally know it’s not. He commented about me crying when it was his cell phone, but I’m crying because I’m fucking stupid and useless and failed him yet one more fucking time. I wonder how many more times I can do such stupid things before he gets so mad at me that he just gives up or hurts me or whatever. And now I have to get dressed and go down to the cell phone place. I don’t want to…
I love writing my blog because for me my writing has a tendency to be my therapy. This means that I very often write when I’m depressed and that usually means I’m writing angry, angsty, sad, whiny etc etc. kinds of things. It also means that I project a lot of my anger at my self (for being depressed) at my husband and I write about little things he does that should only be minor annoyances at best and turn them into crazy ass drama. Even with all the horrid things I write I love blogging because it helps me stay sane when i just want to go off on the world. Instead of doing that I write here. And people read it. Lots of people. They coome in droves. And I get comments. Lots of them. But when I write about the boring garden vairety everyday slices of my life there’s nothing. OK, I <strong>know</strong> I have a boring life, but I also know that the people that read when I’m angsty and freaking out probably stop by from time to time and catch a post that is more run of the mill. Comment on it!! Let me know you’re there. Or not. Because people are more often drawn to tragedy, if only because they can shake their heads and say, “wow, that sucks. i’m glad isn’t happening to me.” Of course, I’m being cynical. Some people out there might really give a shit. *shrug*
This is for the Dollar Dish Duel contest featured at a blog called Just Get Floury at http://justgetfloury.blogspot.com My husband told me that this recipe sounded terrible when I first mentioned it, but he decided later that he liked it. Great for newlyweds or anyone else on a budget!
Mama’s Texas Goulash
1 lb ground beef ($3.29)
1 box macaroni and cheese ($.68 )
1 can corn ($.50)
1 can pinto beans ($.48 )
TOTAL $4.97
Cook macaroni according to package directions. Brown and drain ground beef, then mix with macarnoi and cheese. Drain corn and beans and add to meat and pasta mixture. Heat through and serve.
This is an awesome recipe that my mother came up with years ago. It always fed me and both my parents with plenty of leftovers. It goes well with cornbread or a small salad.
Sally Brown sits down, by his piano
He doesn’t see her there
He plays his heart out
She’s mesmerized, by his concentration
Closes her eyes
And tries to see what he sees
This is love oh yes, at it’s finest
This is love, how it needs to be
And it’s enough to break through the shyness
She knows it’d be love if he’d hold her
She can’t stop thinking about Schroeder
Awesome song by an awesome band. I <3 No More Kings
Today was a an absolutely horrid day at work. We were crazy busy in the bakery all day long and there were only four of us. However, me and the one girl were flying aorund working our asses off and the other two just kind of puttered along and weren’t much help. One of them barely got her own work done. So bakergirl and I stayed an hour late and still hadn’t finished everything. Luckily for us our manager had come in about four o’clock and been busting her ass as well. We felt bad sticking her to finish the work we couldn’t get to, but even she told us to make sure we were clocked by 6:59 PM or we would get in trouble for not taking at least a half an hour break off the cloc. Stupid if you ask me, but ok whatever…*sigh* One of the girls I work with but don’t see often since we’re in different departments saw me today and asked me if I’d lost weight so I guess maybe I am after all. I still don’t see it though. Either way I won’t complain. All I know is that I’ve had a shitty day and was going to come home and cook dinner and when I called hubby to let him know I would be late he told me not to worry about cooking that he was going to be out for a bit and would bring something home. I was just supposed to come home and relax for a bit. It’s times like this when I remember how fantastic he is, even though I bitch about him a lot on here. A good chunk of that is my own depression and self hatred that comes out. I really need to quit projecting it at him. it gives people the wrong idea. But that has been my day and I’m tired. Good night.
(NOTE: SEXUAL FYI. IF you’re not interested don’t read)
Having girl on top sex is awesome. Having girl on top sex and having your partner reach behind you and pull your hair so your body is arched like a bow while you ride is cock is really, really fuckin awesome. That is all.
So Hubby says he thinks I’m losing weight and his mom hasn’t seen me, but she agrees with him just because she knows I’ve been working my ass off lately on my bike (except for yesterday cause it was cold and rainy and its cold again today) stupid weather. And today I’m getting a haircut hopefully from one of the better salons in town cause MasterCuts is very hit or miss for me and I’m tired of that crap. I’ll start making phone calls here soon to see who’s open and where I might can score a walk in appointment. So far the past couple days have been good and I haven’t felt quite as miserably ugly or unattractive or stupid or whatever, but I’ve learned that this is a vicious cycle and it will all come back eventually. When hubby got home from work Saturday night and found me sitting in a cold shower and knew that I had been sitting there long enough for the water to change from hot to cold he knew something was wrong and after some prodding I finally brought up my biggest issue of the day about being fat and thinking he didn’t want me anymore. This is apparently not the case (as evidenced by some slight soreness after a couple days of…um…fun *eg*), but I think part of why I feel that way when we’re not having sex is because he very rarely displays a lot of affection or tenderness towards me. He’s far more likely to pick and tease at me almost like a little brother might to irritate his older sister and being an only child and never having to deal with that growing up, it pisses me off!!! Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But he doesn’t seem to know when he should stop before I get mad and snap at him. I’ve tried to ignore him and just let it go, but that doesn’t work and I haven’t found an appropriate response for it yet I guess. If anyone has any suggestions for me on that front please share them. But that’s it in a nutshell. No crazy, overdramatic post from me today (at least not yet!) Love!!
